After turning off my iPad during a recent flight, I picked up the ubiquitous in-flight Sky Mall catalog and thumbed through it. And to my surprise, I came across an ad from Brick House Security offering a number of different hardware and software products clearly designed and being sold to people who want to spy on their spouse, kids or significant other. The ad asks, “Who are your loved ones texting and e-mailing?” To add spice to the question, the text on the phone screen says, “Where should we meet?” There’s even a thumb-sized video camera and a USB key on the device to record conversations. LandAirSea offers a small GPS tracking device that you can easily mount inside or under the vehicle.

All of this hit me very negatively. While companies have every right to build and sell these technologies, the underlying theme of the advertising is suspicion and spying. Here is why I don’t recommend you ever buy spyware: It is basically the intent to gather information without the other person’s consent. It’s clearly an invasion of privacy.

We, unfortunately, live in a monitored society where some people take major risks that can destroy a career (think former congressman Anthony Wiener). Where is the individual’s privacy in this society? When and under what conditions is it legal or illegal to spy one someone else? It’s a stretch to consider spyware as illegal if it’s placed on a computer or phone that was purchased with co-mingled funds, but even if it’s not illegal, using spyware is clearly breaking the seal of trust.

Parenting is another area in which spyware is used, sometimes under the guise of protecting the child from dangerous behavior. Is it spying on a child to log and view the text messages if the parent is paying for the phone and service? Dating is another area that entices people to buy spyware — so much for romance.

What about monitoring illegal activities? I suspect that many drug deals are managed using text messages. Clearly, the law enforcement organizations can use court orders to view someone’s messages and these cases would be considered legal spying. The same is true for terrorist activities.

Yes, you may feel I’m naïve here, but everyone on some level has experienced the destruction of trust in a relationship. I can tell you from experience that it’s better to have an open and trusting relationship than to destroy trust with gadgets.

If you feel your relationship is tenuous or, even worse, on the rocks, I recommend you talk about it rather than resort to using spyware. It basically gets down to building your own self-esteem and trusting in your relationship, so that you don’t worry about with whom your spouse is communicating or meeting. Use mobile technologies to build relationships not destroy them.

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